UNLOVABLE

by Tabulaaa

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credits

released June 21, 2014

Everything made by Tabulaaa, except for the recording of a francophone radio station picked up on shortwave radio. I didn't make that.

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Tabulaaa Burlington, Vermont

Tabulaaa is just me.

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Track Name: The Grass Tunnel (Endless Summer)
Would you still love me if I went blind?
I feel like that'd alter my perception of time
Maybe that'd be just fine
But I wonder if you'd notice the
Disconnect, the hands around our necks
The move we take next, the deception of reason,
The lies of rhyme, the context of treason
Within the frames of our personal hecks

We could be happy all the time
Track Name: Judy (I Can Hardly See Straight)
Turned water to wine that tastes like piss
Sometimes you don't know what love is
Okay, so you took the last beer in the fridge
Okay, I don't know how to deal with this
Whisked me away with a shot of whiskey
Darts thrown hard still hit or miss
Keyed car, broke vase the last time we got frisky
Something you said must have skipped me

I remember those days
From before were breathing the ethanol haze
And I was locked in your gaze
Like a lab rat on acid in a Belgian maze
And now your eyes are drained
Like rainwashed mobile windowpanes
Stuck on tracks here's the train
It'd look beautiful to me all the same

I think the most romantic way to describe that sort of diffuse light is
Tangible, like there's a part of it you can grasp
But there are some folks like me who can't see what it lights, I call them
Imbeciles, we can choke on our feet and laugh

some nights you wax me soft
some nights you are my throttle
i don't know what i've lost
before the magic bottle
i'd love to share our time
i'd love to have our daughters
but i can't be with you
unless i'm underwater

Tonight you got me falling off of this barstool
Between glasses sipping the eleven o'clock news
Like our time together was some trick so cruel
And this whole damn time you had me acting like a fool
Why can't you love me the way that I love you?

Oh, wait
You already do
Track Name: Cowboy Johnny (Embracing The Throwaway Culture So That We Can Move On With Our Lives)
club stomp scrub pomp
circumstantial evidence
existential resonance
crescent hooded reverence

polyglot afterthought
spiritual transcendence
or whatever excuse you like
just keep me looking good, right

someone out there might feel about
me better than i do myself

lift me up just this once
forget me later if you want

i've got two heads so far removed from each other
that my body can't contain them
my heart lives in my pocket and my
brain's in another dimension
i don't think i'm a bad person
but you can if you wanna
then we can guarantee that if you hate me
there's one thing we have in common

Swaps his Pynchon for Ayn Rand, that gives that new Hobbes inflection
Swaps his bathwater for applesauce, that gives that young god complexion
Drops that おやすみなさい to that in every direction
Stops that prayer to old gods, now devout to self correction
That's not that road to redemption, that's that linear induction
Except those motors drove so little they too corroded to function
And now he rolls his corolla to the whole neighborhood faction
'Cause the bowls lean and corona weren't the reaction to no action
Air gets thick with static as the deck plays Clouds Taste Metallic
Tell it a third and fourth time to the crowd about how you've had it
How can you call us hacks? Y'all cowards don't even look back!
You can't point that stick at us when you're the one covered in mud
I'm not a perfect being, that's a utopian way of seeing things
That's a dated play on cliche, that doesn't have any meaning
I'm just tryna have a good time, I don't need more reasons to die
I've spent enough of my time looking in my coffee and crying

So come laugh with us
We'll forigve ya
Come laugh with us
All your old friends did



All of my porcelain pores are crying
Every organ in my body is dying
I would tell you if my brain was frying
But it's charcoal by now

I could be making molotov cocktails
But instead I'm just polishing these bottles
Like this will let me rewrite the standard model
As if I knew how

Tear down these lights
Drive slow tonight
I need the time and space to come to terms with my life

Barrel of a gun
Handle of a knife
Without ammunition or a blade to strike

I need to stop romanticizing
And tiptoeing around my past self and problems
Or I won't solve them
Track Name: Undon't (בω)
allow me to reintroduce myself, reduce myself, to start one more time
i practiced for such a long time, i didn't socialize in the cafeteria line
i can't tell if it's the abundance of dark matter or a matter of dark times crimean peninsula stitch you to a similar kindle but i'm really not that bad off

i'm just asad sack of shit who only spoke when somebody asked and a
bad bag of bricks won't end me before an athsma attack
bootstrapped brain by someone harmless as a hackey sackie
soft black stains as fated by being a trek-star trackie
and i grew up black and blue so i always respected those who smacked me
and impressed me with their nikes as i caressed the breeze like raggedy andy
and i was ass-down in the mud, master of none wondering why they couldn't
stand me. well now i realize it's 'cause i never took my chances

she say those who are useless are most likely to be used
so don't get that dro light and don't imbibe on that juice
she say those who go to waste most likely to get wasted
from my life her hypothesis don't need no updatin'
so i'm bleeding out my knuckles from pounding the pavement
and her honeysuckle words like killer bees in my face
and now
you got the power to find a way to bring yourself down, down

coulda stood intersecting that four-way, coulda put down a medical co-pay
coulda ankle-break strut cut-up heel to get closer than ever to that mustang
my stymied home strives for chrome and rides go-karts south down the northway
court order say i can't have that but i gotta do what i do hear stereo, wherefore
don that chromeo cap, tax form blast flow like legato stacks, easy mode
lay low at the old folks home scoring in bingo and 20 years old flat
and the morning after i dreamt that, new broke english syntax
W-9 W-2 double you over 'cause you better get your life back on track
even my suit jacket's too riffraff, even my daw skips tracks,
i donned that 9-to-5 hikikomori cap and now my mama's driving me back, i didn't think a
girl could be so cruel but there she was, driving my ass back to my old school
'cause now imma do something to me and get a neoliberal arts dee-gree
it's about as promisine an opening line as saying "hello, i'm a sanguine ENTP"
and all the would be bosses pushin me out their offices like "hee-hee"
employee opportunities don't wanna hear my weak shit no more 'cause now
they be speakin' a new language, and i'm still writing cuneiform

living in a world of hurt
show us what you're worth

guess i'm the only one left who can hit the lightsaleph null to beth omega discounting sanctified

she looks like you, and talks the way you did before
like archaic words that have no meaning anymore
transuranic verbs corrode the varnish on the floor
transneptunian thoughts cross the crumbling world
Track Name: Huron (Blackcurrants)
Sidewalk tea, New York sea
The way the shadows bend and curl around me
Well it's not so much the shadows as their legacies

Warm white bloom, halo blues
Outline the motorway beside me
I can't see if anyone's behind me

So rushed in your skin and began again
That frightful reeling, that lonely feeling
That hit the ceiling, that cold and steely

Aging like Billy Jack and not like Billie Jean
And your lovers don't act like in your dreams

Sixteen herons on a golden plate
Iambic pentameter so pretty but you can't relate
How it seems, in my dreams
You can't see, and you scream
I'm mad

So I give another go with the knife and tape
Though I'm far too gone to appreciate
Pyrrhic yet
But if four is death
Then five is surely escape

Spun the zodiac wheel to play roulette
Drew lines on maps based on a sextant
Stinging cranberries on your breath
You're a lion now and a fish in death

As the first hot snowflakes drift in haphazard lines
The wind blowing east from the mountainside
The pyroclastic flow steals the glow from the city tonight

And the cars no longer radiate their warmth
Like the predators near the ocean floor
There's something different about today, but I can't tell why
Track Name: Rice Paper (Garnet Jam)
like crushing dreams with a rolling pin to make something sweet
found in memoirs fondant memories and butterfly tea

like two killers looking one another in the eyes
cases and hands and chests full of knives
and forceps and various torture supplies
arranging the line between kill and die

emotion corrosion collision excursion's the very first thing we master
128 teeth between their left and right ears, they gnashers
Step out of the car, then pull out the block and out the macabre and I
Crash off the shock of these 128 bit datamashers, partitioning mats to
Cast iron blasters and niobium titanium pots for their mashers
And you thought wedding crashers would be the very last thing in this world you would ask for
Well when your dreams become reality, keep thinking yourself a human being
And not the world's oyster like how you seem to be seeing

is that a tire track across your back?
i can't fathom why you'd do something like that
Track Name: Lights Out (Mercedes Benzedrine)
28 years 29 step 30 move
highway crossing shakedown like you got something to prove
but you were married to that thug, and then married to this disease,
you were married to the drug and now you're married to the industry
and the whole class runnin' and the backyard stuntin' 'cause the children ain't raised
sacrifice scratching at the black ice patches so the bills can get paid
but if you don't have anything nice to say, just say something nice anyway
yeah, if you don't have anything nice to say, just say something nice anyway, now

you took up the moon and stars incision, the limb and liver fishing grind
the backs of the braindead and the chronic hole punched as your ticket to ride
criss-cross, piss off the new religion this is what we do to survive
what we could be using turned around and attuned towards the growth of limes

they get pneumatic limb spasms and dimethyl drum fills
you get the last word in who gets to crush and snort their pills

yeah that's prozac to prosaic
ground dreams like nightmare machine to and fro
and no don't trust it, you'll crush it
that mercedes benzedrine is touch and go

pen, notebook, lighter, cable
call, drawl, old, disabled
oxy, ultram, safety, house
helper, yeller, lights, out